Support for Family Members

You have heard the old adage: “You cannot pour from an empty cup.” It is important to take care of yourself, so you will have the energy to take care of others. Supporting a loved one through their mental illness can be stressful, taxing, and emotionally draining. Here are ways to care for your own mental health while supporting another.

Support Groups

Support groups provide a place for participants to share common concerns and receive emotional support. Some support groups are peer-led; others may be led by a mental health professional. A well-run support group fosters a sense of community and comfort among members as they relate to others in similar situations. Being with peers can help people feel less lonely and isolated, and more connected to others. Support groups are not intended to replace therapy, but to serve as a valuable addition to therapy.

Therapy

• There are many different types of therapists that specialize in areas such as trauma, depression, ADHD, or bipolar disorder. To learn how providers can help, see Types of Mental Health Professionals.

• Even if you’re not dealing with mental illness yourself, consider seeing a counselor or therapist to help you process your emotions and manage the stress that comes with supporting someone else. Use the buttons below to search for mental health providers in your area.

(Open Monday - Friday 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.)

• If you cannot see a professional, it may help to talk about your stress with a trusted friend or relative.

Parental Relationships

Living with a child who has mental illness can put great strain on the parents, especially when the child’s disorders manifest in impulsivity, defiance, or exhausting rituals. Additionally, tantrums, meltdowns, or aggression toward playmates can alienate other families, leading to feelings of isolation. Sometimes parents disagree about a diagnosis or the type of treatment a child needs.

Here are some tips to help strengthen relationships between parents:

• Make time for your relationship. Devote at least 20 minutes daily to spending time with your spouse or partner without talking about the children. Focus on each other.

• Get a diagnosis you both trust. It's important to be on the same page about your child's diagnosis so that you can agree on treatment. Both parents should participate in decisions about the course of treatment.

• Remember, you are on the same team. Make sure you both agree to the rules around discipline and limit-setting. When parents are inconsistent in their expectations for a child, behavior can worsen.

Having a child who is experiencing suicidal thoughts or has made a suicide attempt can strain the parental relationship. Often, feelings of fear, guilt, and confusion make it hard to decide on next steps to take to help your child.

Here are some tips that may be helpful:

1. Don’t let a teenager’s depression or anxiety snowball. Maybe your child is merely having a bad day, or maybe it is something more. Studies show that nine in ten adolescents who took their own lives were previously diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder—more than half of them with a mood disorder such as depression. Depressed people often retreat into themselves, while secretly crying out to be rescued. Many times they’re too embarrassed to reveal their unhappiness to others, including parents. Boys in particular may try to hide their emotions, in the misguided belief that displaying vulnerability is a sign of weakness.

Don’t wait for youngsters to come to you with their problems. Knock on the door, park yourself on the bed, and say, “You seem sad. Would you like to talk about it? Maybe I can help.”

2. Listen to your teenager—even when they’re not talking. Not all, but most, kids who are contemplating suicide (this is called suicidal ideation) tip off their troubled state of mind through troubled behaviors. Studies have found that one trait common to families shattered by a son’s or daughter’s suicide was poor communication between parents and child.

If your instinct tells you that a teenager might be a danger to themselves, heed your instincts and don’t allow them to be left alone. In this situation, it is better to overreact than to underreact.

3. Never shrug off threats of suicide as typical teenage melodrama. “Any written or verbal statement of ‘I want to die’ or ‘I don’t care anymore’ should be treated seriously,” says psychologist Helen Pratt. “Often, children who attempt suicide had been telling their parents repeatedly that they intended to kill themselves.” Conventional wisdom holds that people who openly threaten suicide don’t really intend to take their own lives; the threat is a desperate plea for help. While that is true much of the time, what parent would want to risk being wrong?

Any of these other red flags warrants your immediate attention:

• “Nothing matters.”

• “I wonder how many people would come to my funeral?”

• “Sometimes I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up.”

• “Everyone would be better off without me."

• “You won’t have to worry about me much longer.”

When a teenager starts dropping thinly veiled comments like that or comes right out and admits to feeling suicidal, try not to react with shock (“What are you, crazy?!”) or scorn (“That’s a ridiculous thing to say!”). Above all, don’t tell them, “You don’t mean that!”—though you’d probably be right. Be willing to listen nonjudgmentally to what they are really saying, which is: “I need your love and attention because I’m in tremendous pain, and I can’t seem to stop it on my own.”

To see your child so distraught would tear at the heart of any parent. Nevertheless, the immediate focus has to be on consoling them; you’ll tend to your feelings later. In a calm voice, you might say, “I see. You must really, really be hurting inside.”

“Honey, plenty of people feel that way at one time or another. They may really mean it at that moment, but that’s because they’re depressed. Depression is an illness of the mind. Not only does it make you sadder than you’ve ever felt before, it takes control of your thoughts so that you can’t see any way out of your sadness. I know that right now it probably seems like it will last forever. But it won’t. We love you so much. Please let us get you the right help that will make your sadness go away.”

4. Seek professional help right away. If your teenager’s behavior has you concerned, don’t wait to contact your pediatrician or primary care physician.

5. Share your feelings. Let your teen know they are not alone and that everyone feels sad or depressed now and then, including moms and dads. Without minimizing their anguish, reassure them that these bad times won’t last forever. Things truly will get better.

6. Encourage them not to isolate from family and friends. It’s usually better to be around other people than to be alone. But don’t push if they say no.

7. Recommend exercise. Physical activity as simple as walking or as vigorous as pumping iron can put the brakes on mild to moderate depression. There are several theories why. One is that working out causes a gland in the brain to release endorphins, a substance believed to improve mood and ease pain. Endorphins also lower the amount of cortisol in the circulation. Cortisol, a hormone, has been linked to depression.

Two other benefits of exercise: It distracts people from their problems and makes them feel better about themselves. Experts recommend working out for thirty to forty minutes a day, two to five times per week. Any form of exercise will do; what matters most is that youngsters enjoy the activity.

8. Urge your teen not to demand too much of themself right now. Until therapy begins to take effect, this is probably not the time to assume responsibilities that could prove overwhelming. Suggest that they divide large tasks into smaller, more manageable ones whenever possible and participate in favorite, low-stress activities. The goal is to rebuild confidence and self-esteem.

9. Remind a teenager undergoing treatment not to expect immediate results. Talk therapy and/or medication usually take time to improve mood, so they shouldn’t become discouraged or blame themselves if they don’t feel better right away.

10. If you keep guns at home, store them safely or move all firearms elsewhere until the crisis has passed. More than 3,100 young people die by firearm suicide each year. The rate of firearm suicide among young people has increased 53 percent over the past decade. Most of the victims were male. Whereas men typically end their lives through violent means, women generally choose the less reliable method of overdosing on drugs. If you suspect your son or daughter might be suicidal, it would be wise to keep all firearms, alcohol and medications under lock and key.

Sources: American Academy of Pediatrics, 2022 and Everytown Research and Policy, 2022

Family Education

Make sure everyone in the family has accurate information about mental illness.

• Depression, anxiety, ADHD and other mental health conditions are common. They are treatable medical conditions and not the result of a lack of coping ability or personal strength.

• Inform your family about common signs and symptoms of mental illness. What looks like laziness or crossness may be signs of depression. Dramatic or over-the-top reactions can be symptoms of anxiety.

• Mental health conditions are often hereditary. Knowing this may help other family members to better understand the behaviors and symptoms.

• Understand that treatment can help, though it may take weeks or months to see progress.

Online Resources for Family Members

Websites

You can find more helpful website links on our Resources page.

Free Apps

Activities for the Family

Create special times with your family. This can help take the focus off the stress that individuals may be experiencing.

Here are a few ideas: 

• Watch a movie and talk about it afterward.

• Take pictures and video recordings, and then create a movie as a family.

• Bake or cook your favorite things.

• Make a fun Tik Tok Video.

• Incorporate art by drawing, painting, or playing games like Pictionary.

• Create a blog or other social media post to share events or the journey of mental illness. This can help your children feel included and engaged.

• Write in a journal or create short stories to share with one another.

• Enjoy game nights. Jenga, Monopoly, Candyland, Dominos, and UNO are great options.

Ways to Diffuse Stress in the Family

Living with a health condition—whether a physical disability or mental illness—can cause stress in a family. Here are some ideas for managing it.

 Explore. From walking around your neighborhood to being a tourist in your own town, take time to explore with your family. This can take the form of self-exploration so that everyone can learn about themselves and celebrate their individuality. This can be really helpful especially for the siblings without the mental illness, as they can often feel left out or like the other kids in the family get more attention for being “sick.”

 Laugh. There is nothing like an active game to relieve stress. Minute to Win It games are fun for all ages, from young children to adults, and they can be played with common household items.

 Show kindness. It is no secret that treating people with kindness makes everyone feel better. Practicing kindness with each other can be a great way to lower stress in the household. Have each person write a letter or email to a friend, family member, or neighbor. Or, send letters and drawings to a nursing home to raise the spirits of residents.